So Indian!

Oh geez you should see the shit that Indians do!

Omg, really you mean did your uncle actually hold his breath for the last over during every match in the World Cup? 

Are you kidding me? You want me to believe that by skipping the third question in the exam, you have managed to top it every time? Like how screwed is this logic? 

We Indians do not believe in the rule books because we create our own. We have broken a hell lot of stereotypes and perhaps created even more of them. Regardless of how good, bad, reliable, questionable our history may be, there’s one thing for sure – we are a bunch of crazy little people who believe in our own ideologies and heck we are the winners.

When it comes to Indian way of thinking which contributes to our success story, I can’t help but remember incidents from my own life. Like even today a big fat smile sits wide on my face every time I allow myself to slip back to that beautiful memory.

Dear God.

Ever since we grow up, we are taught to leave things on Dear God. It doesn’t matters whether or not I studied my lessons diligently but keeping Lord Ganesha figurine on the desk during exams is sure to sail me off. No, no I am not even being satirical here. Trust me; I debated with my board examiner for a precise 15 minutes because he didn’t let me keep my Ganesha idol on my desk. Obviously, in the end, he decided Indian religion is larger than exam and I sat like a hunk with the idol on my desk and hello, before you roll your eyes and go judgmental on me, let me tell you I scored a whopping 91 percent and dude, I am a science strident so that is of course some kind of gnash inspired holy smoking good marks, OKAY!

When the school days bid me a teary goodbye, it was time for the swag college period to begin. Some people would think that such religious successful thinking ways would find no place in the swag college days but hey, swag and sanskaar goes hand in hand.

Every exam, I still sat with the same idol even to the questioning glances by some of my colleagues who were too cool for the idol, but guess what again, my CGPA was a whole lot more colorful than their makeup smeared faces.

So, guys you don’t need to be an Einstein to understand that despite what you call superstitions and old belief and strange success ways, we Indians have a way of approaching our things, but, even I was not papered for what was to follow in my corporate career. I mean, I would seriously ask you to wear your seat belts before you take a plunge at the rest of the story because my boss is the epitome of being Extremely Indian when it comes to Indian ways of winning, like he totally blew my mind with his logic or lack thereof.

The corporate classes

As I was sitting on my computer idly punching the keys because hello 4889 lines of code and guess what, 7k errors. Like I couldn’t even face anyone who even gets 7k errors in a single program, – of course! Even now, I precariously took out the Ganesha idol that was always in my backpack hoping he would waive his Harry Potter magic wand and somehow everything will be fixed.

As soon as the idol popped on the desk, I saw my bleeping error and I smiled like a real big hunk. Seriously, the error was sitting right in front of my eyes and it took the Ganesha idol for me to see it. I knew we Indians had the best save up our sleeve. As I hit save and run the program again, guess what happened- no it didn’t run successfully, the errors shot up to 10k like what  a piece of logic!

I was sweating profusely under the burden of my own code when I heard a dangerous voice behind me – “Shruti, what’s the matter? You are setting a new record in the office with 10k errors in a 5k line of code.”

I could dread a hundred possibilities and I wondered if he was going to fire me. I looked at the Ganesha idol again and he didn’t have a single expression on his face. Oh geez, I needed someone.

Boss took a seat beside me and I gulped the water I had never drunk. I could feel the temperature rising and even my blood pressure was playing a swing enjoying the rise and fall with every beat.

He just said, “Don’t wear green on days you have to run code.”

It took me 3 complete minutes to understand what he is telling.

“What? Sir?” I said clearly unable to understand whatever it is that he meant.

“Every time I wear green, I screw up with the code.”

I didn’t know whether to smile or cry or laugh or bang my head.

“Go home and change. I am sure when you come back, the code will run just fine.”

FML!

Here was a boss that wanted me to go home and change and he earnestly believed that this would fix the errors in the code.  All the curious minds out there who wants to know if changing my clothes worked – well it did because one of my superiors ended up coming to the desk and he pointed one big blooper which fixed everything. So, whether or not you believe, I decided not to wear green anymore.”

This isn’t quite the end of the story yet as beloved boss has a string of rules he worships. To give you a sneak peek into his working mind, here is how he operates.

  1. Every Tuesday, we should start the work an hour late. This ends up culminating in more profits.

  2. No red dresses allowed in office during client meets.

  3. No green dresses while running code.

  4. When running code, men should always wear socks on one leg.

  5. No employees with names starting from “G” will be hired. If hired, the employee needs to change his/her name.

I know, these are too weird rules but like some Indians, we believe that sticking these rules has brought us so far and it will continue to do so. You know what, my code has run successfully by sticking to these rules.

As we were talking about all these things, we landed on this brilliant commercial by Lufthansa and as I showed it to my boss, he couldn’t help but grin and told me, “Shruti, don’t you think, they should have featured me in here after all who can be more Indian than me when it comes to winning ways.”

You too can watch this advert to see how Indian we are when it comes to winning ways.

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